


Prized Possessions from Paper and Pen

by Anonymous



Category: I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Brad doesn't understand our boi, F/F, Trans Stanley Barber, angst for the sake of angst, bradley but worse, homecoming speech but it's trans Stan instead of Syd, platonic sydstan, sydina whoo whoo, these babs are traumatised but hey, this is just all of my angst HCs thrown together, this is literally a mess, this makes like no sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: An alternate ending where instead of going for Sydney, Bradley goes for Stan instead.
Relationships: Stanley Barber&Sydney Novak, Sydney Novak/Dina
Comments: 8
Kudos: 163
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	Prized Possessions from Paper and Pen

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the existence of this, it's probably very repetitive and my vocabulary and sentences :/// not the best.
> 
> But hey, we love Stanley angst.
> 
> TW:// T-slur, F-slur, D-slur, blood, death, lots of swearing, talks about suicide, mentions of drug use, panic attacks (kinda?)

Stanley Barber knew he was fucked up. He knew it well enough, and he didn't need Bradley Lewis to tell him. Unfortunately, life decided to throw him yet another cruel reminder, this time in the form of a very unconventional homecoming speech. 

He could handle rejection, he could handle his dad, and he could handle the crippling dysphoria and self hatred he's been fighting himself over for the past 17 years, but he couldn't handle everyone knowing. However, it's not like he had a choice, mainly because a certain red-clad boy had already gotten his hands on the microphone. 

The room went quiet with the high pitched squeals of feedback, watching as the drunken male roughly shoved the shorter boy onstage away from him. 

"LISTEN UP! Just gimme a seco-GIMME A SECOND-!" 

They backed away from him as everyone watched in confusion. Stanley could see Sydney's jaw clenching as Dina rolled her eyes, and he too, had tensed at the Jock's arrival.

"I would like to take this moment to talk about something important, which affects everyone here."

Dina had begun to fidget nervously, her nails burying themselves under each other as she shifted from foot to foot in a jittery manner. Sydney reached out to take the hand of the caramel skinned girl, and the both of them seemed to calm down. The shorter girl's shoulders began to drop from their hostile, hunched posture and Stanley breathed a sigh of relief.

Bradley was an asshole, but most importantly, he was an asshole to Syd and Dina, and if that wasn't enough to set the hot-headed girl off, he wouldn't be able to guess what could. The assumptions mainly stemmed from the focus point in the brown-haired male's eyes. 

Stanley felt like the gaze was fixated on him, or the three of them after all, it would make sense. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Sydney and Dina were in love, and although Stanley was happy for them, Bradley was not. 

He brought the microphone up to his lips once more, and the Curley haired male felt the world turn against him at his words.

"Stanley Barber."

He felt himself flinch at the sound of his name, the crowd of teens around him murmuring in confusion as the odd few turned to face him. Sydney whipped around to face him with an expression laced with worry and bafflement whilst Dina's eyebrows furrowed.

Looking around at everyone's perplexed faces, his eyes landed in line with Brad's, his heart beginning to pound against his ribcage at the sight of the pure malice they held.

It only got worse when he reached into his pocket to pull out a small, dusty green, moleskin notebook.

Fucking hell, Stan wished he'd never gone to the guidance counsellor.

"Yeah, Stan! Raise your hand! Give us a wave! Yeah! Let everyone see you!"

His trembling fingers stayed by his sides as his ears began to ring. Sydney gently traced her fingers over a crease in his sleeves as she whispered harshly.  
"What is he doing?!"  
But Stanley couldn't answer, with his eyes glazed over, and his lips gaping uselessly as his life began to unravel.

"Now something you might not know about our good old resident stoner, is that he's a good fucking liar."

The narrowed eyes of the crowd surrounding him pierced his skin as if he'd fallen into a pit of hot needles. An itch began to burn under his skin and he brought his arms to fold around his middle, clenching his fists as the speech went on.

"Sure fooled us! Because you know what, Stan? I thought you only dressed like a faggot, but oh boy that isn't even the half of it, right?"

He hopped off of the stage, weaving through the sea of students towards them and the blue-clad male felt his chest tighten, breaths quickening as he fought back the piercing sting in his eyes.

Bradley stopped a few feet away from them, smirking as he glared at the three of them. The two girls shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, and Sydney reached out for Stanley's arm, almost as if to ground him.

"Because while I was in detention, Stanley was fucking Sydney Novak in the library. Funny, huh? But I'm not done."

Everyone had begun to speak amongst themselves, their mutters and murmurs becoming a sea of deafening noise driving Stanley to clench his eyes shut and claw at his skin. 

"Cos don't get me wrong, I don't blame him for being so desperate, or at least I wouldn't if he weren't a fucking dyke, isn't that right, Sadie?"

"Oh shut up Brad!"  
Stanley's grip loosened as he turned to Dina. Her dark eyes were heavy with concern but his vision was too distorted by tears to distinguish her gaze. Taking this as motivation, the shortest of the three also spoke up, and Stanley felt his heart flutter with gratitude "yeah, just shut the fuck up, a-asshole!" It wasn't the best she could say, but as she said it, she weaved her hand round to his shoulder, almost side hugging him as Dina moved to his other.

That didn't stop him though. He laughed cruelly into the microphone, the speakers whistling painfully in protest as he continued.  
"Oh Sadie, did you really think nobody would notice you sneaking off into a cubicle in the locker rooms? At least now we know it's not because of your gross fucking back zits, right?"

A few scattered chuckles followed his last remark, and Stanley would probably join in if it wasn't for the sickening swirling he felt pooling in his stomach. It clawed away at him from the inside out and nothing seemed to stop it. He felt like he was drowning.

"Give it up Sadie, because now everyone knows you're just a stupid little girl playing dress up, but hey, I should really give you some credit. Yannow, pretending to be a dealer is a pretty good cover for those weird tranny shots of yours, such a shame it's not heroine, much easier to overdose with that, isn't that what you want?"

"Leave him alone, you dick-" rattling dog tags were heard alongside the yelling as Sydney moved to clench her fists by her side. Stanley couldn't understand why she was so mad, but it wasn't good regardless of the reason, and so he stood and attempted to speak 

"it's fine, Syd." It came out as a broken whisper and she whipped around to face him with burning irises. She harshly sucked in a breath until she met his gaze. He must have looked pathetic, because Sydney, of all people, deflated immediately and moved to hunch over herself beside Dina.

"Sorry about that, sweetie, must have accidentally spelled out your dad's wishes." His eyes were on fire as he scrubbed at the salty droplets forming on his waterline, empty, malicious laughter bouncing off of the walls around him just to ring in his skull."Cos you know what! Everyone in her life thinks she's a piece of shit! And I mean everyone! Sadie is fucking in love with Sydney, page after page, and it's fucking sad, really. ESPECIALLY when you consider how fucking low you have to be for a dyke with daddy issues to reject you, but who can really blame her?"

He couldn't comprehend how he wasn't sobbing by now, his face pained yet neutral. Sydney was clearly mad and Dina was barely holding her back, but Stanley was stunned by fear, only fixated on Bradley's next words.

"So, Hearing all of this, who's with me when I say that ,quote unquote, 'STANLEY' should stop pretending and THROW HERSELF OFF OF A FUCKING BRIDGE ALREAD-"

Stanley felt something warm and thick coat him.

Sydney's fists were clenched.

And Bradley's fucking corpse was on the floor. 

Screaming rang throughout the room as floods of terrified teenagers began to rush out of the room. Dina fell to the floor with her hands clasped over her face and Sydney was wide-eyed and gaping at what she'd done. They were both covered in Crimson splatters of a metallic smelling liquid, and looking down at himself, so was he. 

He stumbled backwards and before he knew it, he was hunched over to the side and throwing up a clear, burning liquid. It stung in the back of his throat as he coughed and then sighed deeply to even out his panicked breaths.  
"S-syd...Syd we need to leave."  
He choked it out weakly as she flinched harshly. Her shoulders jolted as she turned to him with bleary eyes. 

His gaze then fell to Dina and Sydney's followed. Her voice escaped broken and wet "Dina...Dina, we need to go, Dina I'm sorry..." Her voice grew more and more teary towards the end of her words, the blood-soaked girl on the floor remaining unresponsive. 

They approached her slowly, Sydney gently reaching out as Stanley leaned down to pick up his journal with an unsteady grasp. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the formerly glittering girl stand up with Sydney's guidance, and so he followed them outside with soft, hesitant footsteps.

It took a while before they got out of there, and once they had, Stanley completely broke down on the steps of the school. His grip tightened around his blood-splattered diary, regret sinking in at the sight of his sticky cerise fingertips. 

Sydney shuffled closer to him, her eyes remaining wide as she gaped at him. Her hands hovered for a second before they moved to clasp his hands. 

"Stan I'm sorry..." He sniffled and turned to her with a pinched expression. "Why are you sorry, Syd?"

Her eyebrows furrowed instantly and Stanley immediately recognised the look of uncut frustration she'd taken on. He flinched as she began to yell until he realised how much guilt was welling up within her.  
"Stanley why the fuck WOULDN'T I be sorry?! I just fucking MURDERED somebody instead of just standing up for you like I should have! Instead i wind up losing control and killing somebody cos i can't just do it like i'm SUPPOSED to."

"It's not your fault if just I'm not worth it, Syd..." Stanley cried hoarsely at her words and Sydney's gaze softened. 

"Stanley....Stan please don't think that...you're my best friend."

"But Dina-"

"Hey, we're talking about platonic relationships here." She winked at him and giggled slightly.

Stanley smiled at her as his eyes glistened once more, and Sydney returned it, albeit wobbly and unsure.

Dina had gone home after a tearful departure and the police were inside, yet the two of them were sat in all of their gore-coated glory on the steps in front of the school.

The events that had just transpired left them feeling like freaks, but they would be fine. Sydney was terrified and plagued with horror but her inner rationality was still able to weakly cry that there was no evidence, and Stanley knew that as long as Sydney didn't hate him, he would be okay.

"I'm glad to see you can still laugh after this, Syd."

"Me too..."

"You know we'll get to a point, where we won't have to think of this anymore, right? Dina too? It'll just seem so far away by then, Syd, you'll be fine."

She laughed softly at that, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

"Don't get so sentimental on me, jelly man."

And they laughed, because with each other, they weren't Sadie and her loner fuck buddy when they were alone, they were best friends, Syd and Stan, and they were more than okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh lord imma regret this


End file.
